A Chocolate Covered Passover

By Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov

I must admit that as a child and even a teenager, I didn’t really like the holiday of Passover. I saw it as a time in which I had to give up something I loved. A week without pizza, cookies, and even pasta? How could it be a holiday if I felt like I was being restricted- if I felt like I was giving something up? Shouldn’t holidays increase your joy, not make life harder?

But then one Sunday as a teenager my entire outlook on Pesach changed. About a week before Passover, I went to a youth group event unlike one I had ever attended…it was a “Chocolate Seder.”  We had a mock seder and almost everything was made of chocolate.

This is my favorite type of egg!

Instead of four cups of wine, we had 4 cups of chocolate milk. Instead of bitter herbs we had bittersweet chocolate. Instead of dipping parsley in salt water, we dipped strawberries in chocolate sauce. Instead of a roasted egg on the seder plate we used a Cadbury’s chocolate egg. Instead of a meal we had an ice cream sundae. I’ll admit it wasn’t the healthiest of events, but it felt like one of the first times I saw the joy in Passover. By eating fun foods and even using a crazy chocolate-themed Haggadah, I was able to see Pesach in a whole new light.

In a way, you could say that this Chocolate seder liberated my views of Passover to enable me to see the holiday as the true story of liberation.   Without the restrictions, I saw the joy- the joy of being with friends, the joy of celebrating our freedom, and the joy of celebrating God’s miracles.

Ever since the chocolate seder, I have seen Passover as a time for freedom not restrictions. I have seen Passover as a true celebration. Yes, we give up chametz (bread products), but what we receive in return is far greater. By spending one week to give something up we allow ourselves a chance to remember the enormous sacrifice of our ancestors. In our small sacrifice of not eating bread for only one week, we acknowledge and give thanks to God for the miracle of our freedom. And more than that, we give honor to all of our ancestors- to all of the Jews throughout the centuries. Our mere practice of having seders and following the laws of Passover is a statement that says our faith-our religion-our Judaism is something for which we should make sacrifices.

A seder plate made of chocolate you can buy online!

In the years since I was a teenager, I’ve often had “chocolate seders” with my students in the hopes that they too will learn to see Passover as a time for celebration and not merely restriction. However, even without chocolate, I believe we can focus on the real meaning of Passover- the real meaning of freedom and liberation.

May this Pesach be one in which we truly are grateful for all that we have- even if we have to make a small sacrifice to acknowledge that. May we celebrate our freedom and celebrate Passover in the hopes that one day- all the people of the world will be free, as well! Chag Pesach Sameach- Happy and Healthy Passover!

Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov is the Rabbi at Sinai Reform Temple in Bay Shore, NY, where her congregants are begging her for a Chocolate Seder.

Valentine’s Day-What’s a Jew to do?

By Rabbi Emily Losben-Ostrov

I’m a sucker for chocolate. I love stuffed animals. I’m crazy about jewelry. Sentimental cards mean a great deal to me, and I can always have more flowers! So, with all of that said, you’d think that Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays.  However, to be honest, I’m quite conflicted. I vividly remember 12 years ago when I was teaching Religious School on Wednesday, February 14^th, 2001. I was all prepared to tell my fifth grade students that Valentine’s Day is NOT a Jewish holiday and then have a discussion about Tu B’Av – the 15^th of Av, which was an ancient Jewish holiday about love. So, just as I was getting ready, in walks Josh, one of my students holding a giant, pink heart-shaped box of chocolates…and he gave it to me! If that wasn’t enough to break my heart, one of my fellow teachers had baked me a cake, tied a “Happy Valentine’s Day Balloon” around it and left it on my desk in the classroom for everyone to see.  So as not to hurt Josh’s feelings or seem hypocritical- with a giant balloon in the classroom, I decided to “soften” my approach. Instead, we discussed some of the reasons why, traditionally, Valentine’s Day may not have been a Jewish holiday and what Jewish connections there are to Valentine’s Day.

Over the years, this conversation has come up again and again. And now that it is Valentine’s Day, wherever you go you see hearts and messages of “I love you,” everywhere. So, I begin to ask myself, “Is it ok for us as Jews to celebrate a holiday named after a saint?  The message of love and appreciation for those we love is undoubtedly a Jewish concept. Our most central prayer, of the Shema and V’Ahavta implores us to love God. I am also a strong believer in the quote from “Les Miserables,” that, “to love another person is to see the face of God.” So, again, I wonder is it “Ok,” as a Jew to celebrate Valentine’s Day?

A very little-known Jewish holiday is the previously mentioned Talmudic holiday of “Tu B’Av,”  which falls in the summertime, around the end of July or August. In ancient times this was a holiday in which single women would all dress in white (so no one would appear wealthier than anyone else) and they would go to the fields outside of Jerusalem. As they frolicked in the fields, the single men would be able to pick which woman they would like to claim for their wife. While this may seem a bit archaic, it isn’t so far from some of the “mix and mingle” events, like the annual “Matzah Ball” that occur today…but I digress. Therefore, if we have our own Jewish “Day of Love,” do we even need Valentine’s Day?

After doing some research as to the origin of Valentine’s Day (which is debated) and into whether or not Jews can celebrate holidays which do not have Jewish origins, I found a very interesting ruling. According Rabbi Moshe Isserlis, (Poland, 1520-1572) as explained by Rabbi Mike Uram in his article, “Valentine’s Day and Judaism”, a Jew can celebrate a holiday that was originated by a non-Jew as long as it meets the following criteria:  “Does the debated activity have a secular origin or value? Can one rationally explain the behavior or ritual apart from the gentile holiday or event? If there are idolatrous origins, have they disappeared? And are the activities actually consistent with Jewish tradition?” Since the modern celebration of Valentine’s Day does in fact meet these criteria, there is no real problem with celebrating Valentine’s Day.

However, a few years ago, my husband and I decided to create our own holiday of love. We decided that we liked the concepts of Valentine’s Day, but it didn’t feel right for us to celebrate it. So, we decided to celebrate “ValenSTEIN’s Day.” We made up a story about a famous rabbi named Rabbi Mordechai Valenstein who was known as the “Love Rabbi.” He was great at match-making and always talking about the importance of loving God, loving your family, and of course, “loving your neighbor.”  Rabbi Valenstein also loved a deal, so we decided to celebrate our new holiday on February 15^th when all the chocolate was on sale!

So, whether you decide to celebrate Tu B’Av, or Valentine’s Day or even Valenstein’s Day- make sure you take time to tell the ones you care about that you love them. For every day is a day to say, “I love you!”

 

Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov is the rabbi at Sinai Reform Temple in Bay Shore, NY. She loves to get flowers, chocolates, jewelry, etc all year round – not just on ValenSTEIN’s Day or even Valentine’s Day…(hint, hint to her husband).

 

My Hanukkah Prayer- Rededicating the Kotel…My Western Wall

By Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov

I am not a morning person. I’d rather stay up very late than get up very early. However, when I lived in Israel there were certain days I’d gladly get up early. Those were the days of Rosh Chodesh- the beginning of the month- the days when I would go to the Kotel-The Western Wall and pray with Women of the Wall.

Some of my Rabbinical School classmates felt that praying at the wall was akin to idolization, but to me it was being able to stand in a sacred place- the same place my ancestors have stood and prayed for generations upon generations upon generations. For me and so many Jews the wall is sacred. The wall is a reminder of the past and a promise for the future. My trips to Israel are not complete without at least a quick visit to the Wall. I often take prayers and notes from my congregants, family and friends to place in the Wall as a way of letting them experience the power of the Kotel, as well.

As you know from reading this blog, our rights as women are significantly diminished at the Wall- at OUR wall.  We have only 1/4 of the space to pray as the men do and if we raise our voices we hear complaints, taunts and obscenities from other women, men and even police. And God-forbid we try to wear our tallit at the Wall!

Earlier this morning as women gathered at the Wall to pray and celebrate this new month of Tevet, once again some of our fellow sisters were detained for merely trying to pray as a Jew!  For more information on this detention, you can read the press release here.

One of the women detained was Rabbi Elyse Frishman, who is the editor of our Reform Siddur- “Mishkan Tefillah.”  Rabbi Frishman prayed at the Wall as she always prays- wearing her Tallit, observing a commandment from the book of Numbers. Her experiences this morning are detailed in a beautiful letter she wrote to her Congregation, which is available here.

I pray for the day when I will be able to pray as I wish. When I will be able to reclaim the Western Wall as MY WALL, as MY HOLY PLACE. I pray for the day when I will be able to freely raise my voice to God in prayer and in Thanksgiving.

As we celebrate the end of Hanukkah- a holiday in which the Maccabbees reclaimed the Temple, I pray that the time will come in our own day when all Jews will be able to reclaim the Wall. I pray for a time when the Wall will be truly dedicated – the meaning of the word Hanukkah- as a place for all Jews.

Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov is the Rabbi at Sinai Reform Temple in Bay Shore, NY and an avid supporter of Women of the Wall!

The People of the Books

People of the Book

By Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov

Every year, the month before Hanukkah is dedicated as “National Jewish Book Month,” by the Jewish Book Council. Since we Jews are the “People of the Book,” one could say that this is the most important of all months of the year (even though there are no Jewish holidays this month)!

This year’s poster and theme for Jewish Book Month

In honor of Jewish book month, (and because I like lists), I’ve decided to offer a list of “Seven Essential Jewish Books for Every Jewish Home.”  Here goes:

1. The TaNaK- I think EVERYONE would agree that the most important book for every Jew to own is a TaNaK-The Hebrew (Jewish) Bible. This book consists of the Torah, the Prophets (Neviim) and the Writings (Ketuviim). When it’s said we are the “People of the Book” THIS is THE book! I suggest getting a version by The Jewish Publication Society or even going one step further and getting “The Jewish Study Bible” which includes commentary.
2. A Prayerbook- I recommend purchasing your very own copy of “Mishkan Tefillah” the newest siddur of the Reform Movement,  which is also available for your ipad, or you may want to have one of the other prayerbooks that was put out by CCAR Press such as “Gates of Prayer” or “The Union Prayerbook.”
3. “On The Doorposts of Your House”(also published by the CCAR and also available as an “e-book”)- This great book, which many congregations give to Confirmation students has many wonderful daily prayers as well as prayers for special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, and even starting college. This great book also contains prayers and meditations to help during life’s difficult times.
4.  “The Jewish Book of Why” (By Alfred J. Kolatch) – Since we are known as “Israel” which means to “wrestle with God”- all the more so we should “wrestle with our religion” and be able to ask lots of questions. This is a great book (and there are subsequent volumes, as well) which will help to answer a number of both basic and essential questions.
5. “Night” By Eli Wiesel- This is a very powerful and personal book about Wiesel’s experiences during the Holocaust. You can even download it for free here. Another important Holocaust book is that of “The Diary of Anne Frank.” We must read and reread these stories so that we never forget and so we do our part to make sure it never happens again.
6. “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” (by Rabbi Harold Kushner)- It’s crucial to note that this book is called “When” and not “Why.” This is a great book about Jewish philosophy without being too esoteric. If you like Jewish philosophy, then I also suggest books by Abraham Joshua Heschel, Rachel Adler, and Martin Buber.
7. “Exodus”- by Leon Uris- This is one of my favorite books of all time! While it is a novel, it is a great piece of historical fiction which gives accurate details on the birth of the state of Israel. Yes, the movie is good, but for sure the book is even better!

A great book by my friend, Andi Rosenthal. I hope to do a book review of this for a future post.

 

This list could easily keep going with many books such as one of my new favorite books, “The Bookseller’s Sonnets” (by Andi Rosenthal),  “Tuesdays With Morrie” (by Mitch Albom), The Sabbath (by Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel), books by Chaim Potok or Isaac Beshevis Singer and books from categories such as those about Jewish Humor or even Jewish Cooking.  And every home should have at least one Haggadah (yes, the Maxwell House edition is good enough).

Now I’m curious…What do YOU think are the most important Jewish books or simply what is your favorite Jewish book?

 

May this Jewish Book Month and always be a time to appreciate all the Jewish books and    a time to celebrate our love of reading and love of learning!

                  **************************************************************************

NB- This list is based on my own suggestions, those of friends and a few ideas from some websites, as well…

Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov is the rabbi at Sinai Reform Temple in Bay Shore, NY.

Not a “Bark Mitzvah”

By Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov

As a rabbi, I have had the opportunity to officiate and preside over all types of life-cycle events. I’ve done lots of weddings, my fair share of funerals, a good number of b’nai mitzvah and more than a handful of baby-namings. However, up to now I’ve only ever done one BARK Mitzvah- well what someone called a Bark Mitzvah…

Not the dog who had the Bark Mitzvah- but clearly Saki is a Jewish dog!

Now, before you write me off as a bizarre (or really “new-age”) rabbi, let me explain.  While I was in Rabbinical school a very dear friend of mine approached me and asked me about doing a “Bark Mitzvah” for one of her dogs. This friend of mine, who was in fact a certified dog trainer, was not crazy or eccentric; she just had a big heart and loved her dogs immensely. She was never blessed with children and in some ways her dogs became like her kids as she bestowed a great deal of adoration upon them.

I think my first reaction might have been to laugh or to say- “Are you serious?” But, I restrained myself. Instead, I asked my friend to explain her idea. As a committed Jew she didn’t want to make any form of a mockery out of Judaism or out of a Bar Mitzvah. However, she did want to find a way to celebrate the life of her aging dog whose health was failing and whom had brought her much joy. In fact, it was because she was so connected to her Judaism that she had to find a way to celebrate her animal companion through her faith, a way to honor her beloved pet through her Judaism.  After listening to her and trying to understand, I agreed to help her. I decided to officiate at what she called a “Bark Mitzvah,” or what others would deem, a “Blessing of the Animals.” I was adamant that this would be a service for humans, yet would allow us to honor her beloved dog.

I must admit, that the “Bark Mitzvah” was really a lovely day. We gathered at my friend’s home along with about 30 of her friends, some of whom also brought their dogs.  All the animals played in the backyard while we conducted a beautiful and moving service.  The ceremony contained standard liturgy with poems about dogs and the love they bring to humans. During the service we even paused to pray for the health of various animals in the lives of the people present and we even took a moment to give thanks for the animals people had loved who were no longer living. In lieu of gifts, people were asked to make donations to the ASPCA (though my friend’s dog did get a handful of shiny, new toys). Due to this event a very sizable donation was made to help animals in need. After the service we all shared in a delicious bagel brunch filled with camaraderie between both humans and dogs. We even left with a parting favor of stuffed animal- a dog wearing a yarmulke and a tallit!

As you read this you might think- “wow-that’s great– can you do a Bark Mitzvah for my dog?”  OR you might be thinking- This is the most ridiculous thing, bordering even on blasphemy.  To be honest, I myself was caught between both emotions…At the time, I didn’t “get it.”  Growing up, the only pets I had were hermit crabs- definitely not the same thing as a dog. So, while I appreciated the love my friend had for her animals, I didn’t really understand their impact in her life.

This is how George celebrates Hanukkah!

However, all that changed two years ago when my husband and I adopted our dog, George. I know it might sound a bit extreme, but our little dog has enriched our lives in ways I never could have imagined.  When I talk about him to “animal-people” they get it- they can appreciate how I speak of him in almost human terms. To non-animal people, I probably sound a bit “nuts.”

George has opened my eyes. I was greatly impressed by all of God’s creatures before he entered my life, but now I see God’s work even more fully in the unconditional love I receive from him.

This week, as we read the Torah portion of Noah, it is an opportunity for us to celebrate all of God’s creatures- an opportunity to give thanks for all kinds of animals. There are many ways to show our love for animals- including supporting organizations such as the World Wildlife Fund or the Humane Society. One way many congregations, including my own, will celebrate both this week’s parsha and our love and respect for animals is  by having a “Blessing of the Animals.” At my congregation it won’t be a “Bark Mitzvah”- in part because some of the animals coming don’t bark. However, it will be an opportunity to thank God for enriching our life with our companions of all species.

Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov is the Rabbi at Sinai Reform Temple in Bay Shore, NY.  She and her husband Ruben love to spend time spoiling their dog- George!

Happy and Love-filled New Year

By Rabbi Emily Losben-Ostrov

One of my favorite quotes is “Ani l’dodi v’dodi li- I am my beloved’s and my beloved’s is mine.” This beautiful quote is from our Bible and appears in the book, “Song of Songs.” When I officiate at a wedding, I almost always have the couple recite this to one another. Personally, I love this quote so much that those words were inscribed on my chuppah, written on my Ketubbah and on a separate piece of art that hangs in our home.

Here I am with my husband and our rabbi at our wedding 3 years ago as we stood under pictures of us and of our family and the words- “I am my beloved’s and my beloved’s is mine.”

Those lovely words are also said to complete the acronym of our current Hebrew month, Elul (in Hebrew – aleph, lamed, vav, lamed). This month of Elul, the month that precedes Rosh Hashanah, is meant to be a time of reflection and preparation for the coming year. We are taught to spend this month reflecting on the past- thinking about what was wonderful and for what we must atone. We are encouraged to use this time to make amends and make new beginnings.

I truly love this connection between a month spent trying to make yourself better and thinking about your beloved. Clearly this quote speaks about another person- the one whom you truly and whole-heartedly love. Were you always honest and caring or could you learn to be more loving, more accepting, more patient and more compassionate?

However, what if we also look at this quote to be about self-love? What if we take this time of Elul, paired with this beautiful saying, and realize that your beloved is also yourself! What if we take this time of reflection to think about how we need to love ourselves in order to love others. I truly believe in the quote, that “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.”

As we prepare for this New Year, let us take the necessary time to learn to love ourselves. Let us use this time of reflection and reflect on all days, to find the ways in which we can deepen our love for who each of us are.

May this New Year- 5773 be a time in which we can all do the work to love ourselves so that we may in turn be able to truly love others, as well!

Here’s to a Happy and Healthy New Year and Year filled with lots of love for others and ourselves!

 

Rabbi Losben-Ostrov is the rabbi at Sinai Reform Temple in Bay Shore, NY.

A Rabbi and a Priest Walk into a…

By Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov

So, a rabbi and a priest walk into a diner. As soon as they see each other they hug and then sit down together. After staring at the menu for quite sometime, the priest orders a cheeseburger and the rabbi orders blintzes. Their food comes, they share a blessing and enjoy their wonderful meeting…

I know you’re waiting for the punchline- but that’s it. It’s not a joke- it’s a true story, (but if you think of a cute punchline, I’d love to hear it). A few weeks ago, my friend and Episicopal colleague Father David Sellery and I finally got together for a meal. We’d been planning to do this for a quite a while and finally found time between meetings and other appointments to get together. During our dinner we talked about work and family and how we juggle it all. We had a great time and then, Father Sellery had to run to a meeting.

I’m blessed to be part of the Bay Shore Clergy Association. Every year we come together for our annual Thanksgiving service and we try to meet once a month to simply gather and discuss. I am also blessed to have a great relationship with the other rabbi in town- a Conservative Rabbi – who also happens to be the only other woman who is part of our small clergy group. When Rabbi Leslie Schotz became the first female rabbi in Bay Shore, she in some ways, also blazed a trail for me to become the first Reform female Rabbi in Bay Shore a few years later. Our friendship seems natural because we are both female rabbis and definitely share similar experiences and have also shared some partnerships between our congregations.

What may be a little more out of the ordinary is the fantastic relationship we have with all the other clergy as well. For example, this past Martin Luther King, Jr Day our local African Methodist Episcopal Church Pastor, Reverend Allan R. Robinson, shared the bimah with me, bringing a wonderful delegation from his congregation. His sermon was inspired and inspiring and truly “lifted us all up.” This coming year, I will have the honor of speaking at his congregation for Martin Luther King, Jr Day.

Here I am together with the Reverand Allan R. Robinson as we share the bimah (pulpit) to honor the memory and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our meetings, annual Thanksgiving service, and friendships are truly a great symbol to the community of how we can “all get along,” even though we have different religious (and subsequent at times political) views. In this time when we’ve seen way too much hate, it’s a huge relief to know that I can count on my counterparts from other faiths for friendship and moral support (pardon the pun!).

So far one of my greatest moments of being associated with this group came at the end of a meeting in a very private setting- not for hundreds of our congregants to see as they do at our annual service. Our meeting was finished, some people had already left and as I was saying “goodbye,” Rabbi Schotz took some money from her wallet. She explained to the remaining two clergy members that since I was going to Israel she wanted to give me some “tzedakah” (charity) for the trip, thus ensuring my safe travels with such a holy mission. My other two colleagues were so impressed that they immediately reached into their wallets and also handed me tzedakah. One man was a pastor and the other was our local imam. So, when I went to Israel on that trip, I was able to say that I was supported by a Rabbi, a minister and an imam. I went to the Holy Land of three religions being supported by their representatives in Bay Shore. Our small group has shown me that even when we come together for something small- it can surely have a big impact!

 

Rabbi Losben-Ostrov is the rabbi at Sinai Reform Temple in Bay Shore, NY.

Saying Goodbye before Saying Hello

By Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov

June 19^th was supposed to be my due date.  My first child was supposed to be born on June 19^th. As a congregational rabbi, I thought this would be perfect. I would take my maternity leave during the summer- the quiet time of the year and be back to work before the High Holy Days. However, as they say in Yiddish, Mann traoch, Gott Lauch- Man Plans and God Laughs. Except with us, God wasn’t laughing…in fact it even took me quite a while before I was able to laugh again.

My pregnancy was going relatively smoothly and then, like a Mack truck, I was sent to a specialist at the end of my 24^th week. I was told by the doctor that I needed to rest as much as possible and drink a ridiculous amout of water (my words, not his). He also said that realistically speaking, I might be fighting to remain pregnant for weeks and not the remaining months until my due date. He didn’t seem overly concerned. He calmly said I might have to be on bed-rest or even hospitalized and that my baby might need to be in the NICU, but he didn’t seem to think anything worse would happen.

So, I followed “doctor’s orders” and took off from work, rested and drank a ridiculous amount of water.   I must say, that my congregation was incredibly supportive and the parents from the Religious School immediately sent over food, activity books, magazines and even flowers for me and my husband and a dog treat for our puppy. I rested and drank water, rested and drank water and rested some more and drank a little more water. I went back to the specialist the following week, thinking (and praying) that my situation had improved.

However, as you know from the title of this blog…there would be no improvement. In fact we found out that our baby’s heart had stopped before he would ever get the chance to take a breath outside my womb. As soon as I heard the news I began to cry and even wail. My husband and I cried together and then left the doctor’s office to begin making the plans for me to go to the hospital and go through labor. Without going into all the details, suffice it to say that in a period of 4 days we went from picking out names and thinking about cribs to picking out a burial place for our son.

I have been sitting in my grief and trying to find purpose. Why did I have to go through all of this? What was the purpose of all the suffering?

I do believe that we can find purpose and meaning even in difficult and tragic situations. It doesn’t make it “alright,” and it doesn’t make it “fair,” or even explain why something happens. As Rabbi Harold Kushner details in his famous book, I don’t know why “bad things happen to good people,” but I know that they do. If we can at least search for meaning in bad things it may help us to move forward- to go on with our life.

In fact, that is what my husband said to me as soon as we found out the horrible news- that we will go on. It was his way of saying, “we have each other and we’ll get through this together.” He, along with my parents, siblings, friends, congregants and even strangers have truly been there for me. I have been blessed with a truly caring community and for that I will always be grateful.

I’m still searching for the meaning in all of this loss and in some ways I may search for that meaning for my entire life. I do know, though, that one place I’ve found purpose is by sharing my story. This has allowed me to let others, like me, know that they are not alone and that they too, will get through this. And God-willing, they too will find purpose even in a tragedy.

-Rabbi Emily Ilana Losben-Ostrov

Rabbi Losben-Ostrov is the Rabbi and Educator at Sinai Reform Temple (www.sinaireformtemple.org) in Bay Shore, NY.